New Games Workshop Airbrush Range: Satire

Today, we saw our first preview of the new Games Workshop airbrush range. Needless to say, the community isn't too pleased about it....

I have a theory, that if Games Workshop actually did a release statement, covering the history of their paint range, it might go a little something like this:

"The community recognises that Games Workshop has an established history within the hobby, stretching back over thirty years. People have come to know and love our paints over the years, however we have from time to time had to revise our products. We found that our flip-lids from the early days just kept paint too long, in fact some bottles from decades ago are still wet inside. This simply could not do, so we came out with a smaller bottle with a screw top, which maximised out paint profits. The paint pots came with a screw top which often sealed shut tighter than an Egyptian tomb, which stopped people getting their paint out without having to tear the lid apart first.

It was a massive success, however, some of the time, the lids would open, so we had to can that idea too, and we moved onto a flat flip lid. Finally, a product that was almost guaranteed to dry out, and even better, we were able to remove the split pricing for our metallic paints (which used to cost more than the standard acrylic range) by streamlining all prices by jacking all paints up in cost.

Over time however, it became apparent that sometimes, our paints were still staying wet, and were still too good. Thus, the difficult decision was made to rebottle our entire range, and within a short time frame, to rebrand our entire range and create a new paint formula. Finally, we had hit upon the right solution:

-paints which separated inside the bottles, into a viscous watery goo and a rubbery collection of pigment, which no matter how hard you stir or shake it never quite works,
-the caps would clog and allow the paint to dry, ruining perfectly good paint in a couple of months,
-a range of washes that are far less effective than our previous inks, which also separate during drying leaving a milk residue on top of the model you lovingly painted all week;
-very little paint for your money.

It hasn't all been a success, as we discovered to our shock here at Games Workshop, that there are other companies who make paints. This came not long after the discovery that other companies also produce miniatures. Often these paints were designed for use with airbrushes, a market we had yet to corner. With this in mind, the decision was made to produce our own paint range for airbrushes, utilising the same terrible technology that makes our paints so effective that most painters use brands like Vallejo, Badger, Army Painter, Tamiya etc.

We believe that bringing our smaller, more expensive, less effective flip-top paints into a market saturated by high-quality dropper bottle paints is the best move for Games Workshop, a company which prides itself on delivering high-quality products to the consumer, at a reasonable 50% mark up over our competition.

Kind Regards,

Billy,

The work experience kid."

What might the new airbrush range look like? What might it cost?

But don't worry, these prices are for Australia and New Zealand, for those in the United States, this will be about $50.

Just remember, this is all satire, a look at how an out of touch company seems to look down on us. If their airbrush range is priced anything like the Age of Sigmar metallic range, I hope their company HQ is struck by an earthquake, because since they won't listen to what the hobbyists want, maybe an act of god will help them along?

~Macca

Is Games Workshop out of touch? Um, I guess this is part 3?

So I stumbled across an article on BOLS last week, find it here. Jervis has a bit of a gentleman's rant, which I'm all for, however I find his view incredibly one-sided for someone who wields so much power over the system. Anyway, long story short, I think the contents and discussion within merits a deeper thought than what was presented.

The key points I want to address (lifted from the article) are as follows:

"Here is a summation of the points he makes against tournament players in case you didn’t read it all:
— Tournament gamers only “play to win” and are WAAC
— Tournament gaming and tournaments “destroy what the hobby is really all about”
— Tournament gaming is directly opposed to painting (LOL)
— Tournament style gaming is unimaginative
Here’s how Jervis thinks the game should be played:
— Scenario based games and campaigns are the pinnacle of the hobby
— Scenario and campaign games have no need for point values or pre-set win conditions
— Points and even match-ups are the cause and death of “casual play” and scenario and campaign based gaming for the wider community"

Jervis... why?

(I will add a note here, the piece written by Jervis is a decade old. It's not a current document, however it's the best peek into the mind of their key developer. His attitude may have changed over time, but given the direction the game has taken, and how little communication we actually get out of GW, this is the best representation of their attitude I can find.)
— Tournament gamers only “play to win” and are WAAC

No, not in Australia. No, that's not true, it's less WAAC here but I would say it really just applies to certain people as opposed to the whole scene. There are a lot of players who are running narrative lists and who win Tournaments. They don't have to be mutually exclusive. Spraggy, Keepy even myself, have all won tournaments with lists that were as fluffy as they were tough.


— Tournament gaming and tournaments “destroy what the hobby is really all about”

Um.... no? I love nothing more at a tournament than spending as much time as possible discussing models, rules, fluff etc with other hobbyists, all whilst looking at well painted armies. I know in 30K especially that we area community that thrives on 'rule of cool'. You see forces all the time with converted units EVERYWHERE. People like to go above and beyond, I find.


— Tournament gaming is directly opposed to painting (LOL)

As above, I find that most armies are excellently built and painted. There are holdouts, but, honestly, the majority take a lot of pride in their armies. Even players who aren't great painters at least jump in and give it a go. Good on them too, it's the only way to improve!


— Tournament style gaming is unimaginative

Try playing a Horus Heresy mission sometime, when you start in a city full of objectives and the buildings start collapsing onto your units as they try and capture them. True story. Book I will tell you all you need to know on that...

— Scenario based games and campaigns are the pinnacle of the hobbySounds like forcing his style onto others. I agree with it, mostly, I myself like to play narrative games, but the narrative should stem from interesting and well developed missions available in the game, or even missions that the players themselves come up with. That said, it is not the pinnacle, some people honestly do enjoy a simple 'kill them all' approach. We call them World Eaters players.


— Scenario and campaign games have no need for point values or pre-set win conditions

What did I just read? Ok, so, you're playing a campaign and, I dunno, Horus decides to start a Heresy of some kind and he is fighting across the stars. He is a valuable asset should you chose to field him in your campaign, but the counter is, if you use him, and he dies, you lose, so you have to be selective.

According to Jervis, that's just silly. Apparently I'm not forging a narrative with that...

Not only that, lets just go full on GW, Lord of War limits? Nah, lets rock up with half a dozen super heavies, that's a waaaaaay better approach to forging the narrative.


— Points and even match-ups are the cause and death of “casual play” and scenario and campaign based gaming for the wider community"

Why can't even match ups occur? I hate a lack of balance, because when I play, I want to test my generalship against the other player. If he or I rocks up with a list that is far superior, it kinda takes the fun out of it for me. You're either clubbing a baby seal, or you yourself is getting clubbed. It can be fun, but usually it only works with some kind of balancing mechanic. Problem is, you need a rough starting point to make the lists from, and you cannot do that (with any level of ease) without points. Without some guiding force, you end up with silly combinations, it's that simple.

Why does this worry me, and why should YOU be worried?

Well, in simple terms, Jervis heads up the department writing rules and codexes. This guy can turn around at the near-drop of a hat and re-engineer 40k into Age of Sigmar. If this happens, 30k as we know it will cease to exist. What we need is honestly an injection of sanity or player feedback into GW headquarters. I'd put my hand up, but I have good ideas (mostly), and I know I'd never make it through the doors at Nottingham. (Ok, I'd probably stumble into a bar somewhere near the airport and that would be my trip over) Jervis' record of writing codexes is also something I would like to point out, as the man single handedly destroyed the 3.5 Chaos Dex, not just toning it down, but removing all the flavour from it and turning Chaos Space Marines ever since into Codex: Red Corsairs. For a person who believes in narrative play and fluff, he took a big dump on one of the most beloved dexes of all time in both the crunch and fluff.

Jervis, please, if you're reading this (ok, I know you're not, I pay out on GW waaaaay to much to have many, if any, readers who work there) just keep the game as it is, try to tone a few things down, change a few existing rules and let the players play the game how they deem fit.

Yes, we can always take a person out of context. We can overhype and exaggerate a certain comment to the extremes. We can misinterpret the intent and dwell on the wrong words. Yet somehow, I really believe this is the mindset at GW, because nothing they have done in the last 15 years suggests otherwise to me. What do you think?

~Macca

Games Workshop is out of touch? No way!

A week or so back, I gave you all my opinion on where the Games Workshop plastic Horus Heresy kits were headed. (find that article here). Well, I recently took the time to read through their end of financial year fiscal report. Needless to say, I found a few lines hilarious, and I thought I'd share a few of them here. You can read through the PDF yourself here.

WARNING: EXTREME LANGUAGE

Yes, I'm cynical. Yes, a little butthurt, but as always I will use my business mind to interpret their report and turn it from shareholder wank into actual English. This opinion is, as always, wholly my own, I'm making no accusations, threats or defaming them, I'm just saying how I personally read it, and if it happens to defame or accuse the writers, well, they should have made more of an effort not to confuse me...

So, on with the show!

On why they are losing money:

"One bit of the GMP remains stubbornly unrealised– sales growth. We knew that the huge infrastructure changes we have been making these last few years (and are still making, we have just signed off on a new ERP system) would be disruptive, so we are not surprised that many trade accounts across Europe no longer trade with us. Nor are we surprised at the amount of work we have to do to get great managers in all our stores following the move to one-man operation. Our efforts, unfortunately, have coincided with truly dreadful trading conditions and, for the first time in our history, a year when the pound was strong against the euro and the dollar simultaneously. Our natural hedge hasn’t been one this year. You can see the effects of our lack of sales growth in our gross margin, cost-savings in the maintenance of our net margin, and currency everywhere."

Read this as: "We lost money, we think it's because of the economy, and because we keep making our stores smaller."

What I see: We don't realise that we have competition such as Privateer Press, Fantasy Flight games, Mantic etc. Not only this, but we don't seem to understand that small stores located down dark side streets in the cities of the world don't draw in new blood to the hobby, in fact, the only people hanging around some of our stores are wearing suspicious trench coats.

On their market:

"Our customers tend to be teenage boys and male adults with some spare money to spend and time to enjoy hobbies. I'd like to think our Hobby- modelling, painting, collecting, gaming -is for any one. Our customers are found everywhere. Our job is to, on a day to day basis, find them, commercially, wherever they are."

Read this as: "We think teenagers are the crux of our hobby. We also think that these people are everywhere despite our incredibly high buy-in cost."

What I see: GW honestly thinks that teenagers are their heart and soul. Yes, whilst some hobby centers would see a lot of teen activity, this is more likely due to adults mostly hanging around their FLGS and trying to stay away from the GW stores as they feel uncomfortable there. This isn't a dig at the staff I will add, but to be the only other adult in a store full of teenagers with nothing but hobby in common isn't an inviting atmosphere. Also, I want to know how many fucking teenagers are buying Titans, I'm willing to bet not a single Warlord was picked up by a teenager at the last Open Day. If you're a teenage nerd, you can get 2 brand new Xbox or PS games for the cost of a starter set, and that's before glue, tools, paints etc. They're going to get 5-10 years out of their console, so what looks like value to them?

On price structuring:

"Secondly  I will review our product range. We believe this is long overdue: it is time for a resetting of the ranges. Not tweaking here and there but a top down reassessment. I expect to update you further at the half year. We will aim to continue to deliver outstanding product and customer service, maintain our Group gross margin and continue to improve our Group stock turn. To be absolutely clear I will not be reducing the RRP of our products: they are premium priced for their premium quality. I will, however, be looking to offer a broader range of price points. This is exciting and is for the long term, so I'm not promising when you will see a change. We have already started the brainstorming in our monthly strategic product meetings. It is early days,but I can already foresee some busy times ahead."

Read this as: "We aren't sure what is selling or why. We want to see if we can change our prices and make more profit."

What I see: We are changing prices. Well, paint me blue and call me a smurf, but if they won't go down, well, what other direction do they go? Also, reviewing the product range means 'don't need those armies because they don't sell'. This I believe is because GW thinks miniatures only sell based on their aesthetics (I can prove that point next) so when they see Bretonians don't sell it cannot be because they haven't had any rules in a decade.

On quality control:

"Product quality

This is an indicator of the effectiveness of our design studio and our continuous improvement in design to manufacture. We measure this by looking at sell through. If the product is great we sell a lot, if not we sell very few."

Read this as: "We think people only buy good quality kits. Thus, if they sell, they must be good quality."

What I see: People buy kits for their looks. These would probably be in the minority, but lets just call them half anyway. Did it occur to nobody working at head office that maybe, just MAYBE, if a kit has really good rules, it will sell, but if it sucks, it can look good but hardly sell? Let's see, how many Wave Serpents do I think sold in 6th ed compared to in the past? How many Vypers sold in 6th ed? Personally, I think the Vyper is a sexy miniature, but its rules have been a bit so-so since the craftworld dex of 3rd ed. I'm pretty sure they weren't a big seller. To me, quality control is how many unsatisfied customers you have. This goes hand in hand with feedback, GW is not a fan of hearing from the people, the standard response to an email is more or less 'fuck off' unless you're a share holder. For those who brave the process however, if you're not happy with something, they will replace it (re: all of finecast).

On why Australia gets charged so much more for the hobby:

"He also manages our three main distribution hubs in Nottingham (UK), Memphis (USA) and Sydney (Australia). A personnel manager and our Academy personal development and skills training ensure we take our people  recruitment and development seriously."

Read this as: "There are 3 warehouses that hold almost all of our stock in the world, we MUST ship to them before other countries."

What I see: We (GW) have no excuse for ripping off Australia, we just charge what we feel like, based on a favourable exchange rate we picked when their economy sucked. Shipping has nothing I repeat NOTHING to do with it, otherwise prices would only rise from having to further ship the models to more countries outside of Oz. (Wait, if you're a Kiwi, nevermind, they do go up. Fuck You, sincerely, GW) Also, I am aware of taxes, and how much they must sell for to make a profit, blah-di-blah. End of the day, these sprues cost like 12c to make each, they sell for around $70 on average, and only cost about $200 per ton to ship.

Warhammer branding:

"Warhammer branding

We have taken the decision in the year to rebrand our stores ‘Warhammer’ . It is what our customers call us. This will be rolled out progressively, as and when we open new or refurbish our existing  stores. At the year end we had 13 Warhammer branded stores."

Read this as: "We think we can get more brand recognition."

What I see: Actually, I totally agree, but what I find hilarious is that at a time when they are pushing the name "Age of Sigmar" with Warhammer as more of a background term, it's like naming your child "John" then telling everyone he is called "Bob", people are gonna refer to the kid as Bob! Maybe this one is just me. Or Bob.

The Wrap Up:

I could go on and on and on, just picking through the dribble and looking at GW as a company, but that's not what I was going for here. I wanted to show why I am a bit cynical about GW handling things like the Horus Heresy, because clearly, the people running the company aren't focused on the right things. They just want money, and the first places they look are raising prices and removing stores/staff.

Here's a fucking thought, make your game affordable so you SELL MORE. You tell me, what's better, sell 24c of sprues for $72, or sell 48c of sprues for $40 each ($80)? Sure, if you drop the cost of a sprue and only sell the same amount, you're going to lose money, but when people want a big shiny army, they will not be buying just one sprue, they will want to buy the extra sprues! They might even catch their eye on some new paints and buy those too. Business 101 people, you think China sells their recasts at GW costs to make a profit? Hell no! They make a profit by selling more, for a tad less, honestly, it's the simplest approach on Earth!

In the end, to summarise, GW thinks that we all:

a) buy models just for looks
b) will keep buying no matter how much they raise their prices
c) are all teenagers and the occasional neckbeard
d) all have heaps of time to play, so fuck our kids, screw the spouse it's hobby time at GW!
e) can justify the cost of their hobby against others
f) buy their products regardless of the rules

Now, honestly, do you have to ask why I have a hard time trusting these people?

~Macca

Quick-Blog: Maeltstrom of War objectives

In the interest of adding some quick content in between proper blog articles, I have decided to add some short blogs which are relatively word free, today being the first, so please enjoy Maelstrom of War objectives in real life.

~Macca

Hobby Criticism: Macca on Tactica

Hey guys, I want to talk today about hobby criticism. What do I mean by this? Well, when Games Workshop, Forge World, Mantic etc etc release a new product, often you have a smaller group of people who are unhappy, for whatever reason. This group are the critics, and they often get berated for their opinion (I should know, when it comes to GW, especially their books, I'm one of them).

Well, I'm here today to tell you that these people deserve their say, and I'll also tell you why with a boring wall of text.

Why Do They Get To Whinge? Why Do They Get A Say?

When something is released and it isn't up to a pre-established standard, it flies in the face of said standard, it's a cynical cash grab, or maybe poorly done/half assed, it needs to be called out. The process of criticism is what helps people to decide if a product is worth their time, and it can also provide valuable feedback to the product manufacturer. Want to know where this is used all the time?

-Video Games. This one is huge, take a look at the Xbox One, the console was set to be released with a heap of undesirable features and was called out for it. Microsoft changed their tune, and released the console with similar functions to the PS4 and much less dickery.

-Movies: Sometimes, a movie comes out and it just plain sucks. Ok, it happens a lot more than sometimes, but the reviewers will give you an opinion, and you can make up your mind prior to going and seeing it. Since going to the cinemas costs as much as a new car, especially for those with kids, it's important to try and pick a good movie when you do go.

-Restaurants and food outlets. We have all been to that one place that gives you food poisoning, and you tell all your friends and family never to go there.

-TV shows: Just like movies, do you think Game of Thrones would have taken off if it sucked? Probably, but it wouldn't have had the same impact in pop culture.

As you can see, criticism is a valuable tool, specifically a review. IT can be very useful, but why is it frowned upon in our tabletop hobbies?

Angry Sharks Are Swimming In My Head!

This hobby means a lot to those in it. Just getting into a debate about which Primarch is best will suck up ones afternoon in a neverending Facebook thread, I know, I've been there. So when someone turns around and says "that new Primarch sculpt is lazy and a resculpt of this Primarch" people get VERY upset. However, here is where I will get up on my high horse: They have no right, it's a perfectly valid opinion.

The wargaming community as a whole cannot take criticism of a product. Even if in time they come to hate something, they are reluctant to discuss its faults. The classic example of fail I go to is the Chaos Space Marine 6th Ed codex. It failed almost from the outset, but players defended it.

It's great, but it's no bowl of Special K!

However, when a cheese dex drops, people are all to happy to point it out and exploit it. Then, they will sit there and defend it to the bitter end as 'fluffy' and 'balanced' *cough* Eldar *cough*. This is a perfect example of people defending shoddy work for two (three) different reasons:

1) They don't want to be let down. Again, as a CSM player, I have been let down for years now, and I can sympathise with this feeling, believe me.

2) They don't want to be known as 'that guy' or have their codex known as the cheesey one. This is often because they have collected an army for years, for example, and now people are unfairly calling them a cheese monger who jumped on the bandwagon.

3) The mystery third reason: people who are fanbois who cannot comprehend that GW/FW can be wrong, either in the design, release, implementation etc. I call this 'Phantom Menace Syndrome'

Phantom Menace Syndrome?

This refers to wanting something so bad and for so long that when it is finally released, even if it sucks you convince yourself that it doesn't suck. "Oh, it had a kid in it... and some weird geisha chick... that's cool I guess... like, I think it had a cool lightsabre duel?". This is Phantom Menace Syndrome, the people who are waiting on the Thousand Sons for 30k will probably have the worst case of this, as it's something that has taken Forge World literally years to work on. Hopes are high, and failure will burn a lot of people if it occurs.

The Worst Cases Of Illogical Product Support:

-GW's prices. We all know they make no sense, but somewhere out there, we have all met some guy who defends them tooth and nail.
-Poorly written rules. Every time anything comes out, people will have an opinion either for or against, but no matter how many people choose one side, one person will always sit on the other side.
-New kits. Sometimes a kit comes out which has people groan at the suck factor. Eventually they grow on us, but usually in a grudging way and only matched by having some kick ass rules to make it palatable, aka Logan's Sleigh, Baby Carriers, Mutilators, Helldrakes...
-This:

So derptastic that I weep...

Final Thoughts.

When you next see someone 'bagging out' a product, don't just call them that guy. Give it a chance, see if what they have to say is logical, and if it is, take it on board. This doesn't mean you have to change your opinion, it simply means keep it in the back of your mind. At the same time, if they seem to be spewing mindless hate "these rules suck because I don't like them" well, treat them as a bit delusional. Don't bag them out, because it will turn into a shitstorm so fast, and it will suck you up.

I hope you got something out of this article, if you did/didn't let me know in the comments, I encourage feedback and the chance to explain myself/hear other views on the subject. Debate is healthy, and I encourage it.

~Macca

On Rules Lawyering and Common sense

Howdy all,

Felix here with my first post on A Galaxy in Flames (the premier location for hard hitting Heresy content).

Those of you who know me, or have read my self confident comments online will know that I have a particular penchant for getting involved in arguments on our favourite heresy pages every time a rules dispute rears its sexy head (I just can't say no to that smile).
For those of you who don't know me, or haven't read those comments, well....read above.
So, that said it's only fitting my first post on AGiF is to weigh in on a pair of rules issues making the rounds on the internet and causing undue confusion where there shouldn't be.